Sit down, because here comes a story! This text should have 300 words, but I couldn't keep it short and tell how the organization, while helping me, created other problems for me (and what it was like to realize this, find a middle path and discover gratitude). I can only hope that those of you who have made it this far will read it all.
Pre-maternity era
I discovered organization in 2011, when I left my parents' house and realized that I had a lot of difficulty doing manual tasks around the house. The fact that I couldn't concentrate on anything for more than 2 seconds didn't help either. At the same time, I suffered from depression, and only after I left did I understand that crying every day wasn't normal and that lying in bed imagining what it would be like to take care of the house, for example, wasn't either.
I started a search to solve something that was bothering me and I didn't even know exactly what it was, but I thought it would be a good idea to start by organizing the things around me better. I started looking for organizational methods and found GTD (organization of tasks and projects), Fly Lady (organization of house cleaning routines) and Pomodoro (a method to focus on a task for at least 25 minutes). I thought they were all perfect, and I got involved. I bought the books, read them, took notes, and implemented everything. Everything was going well. A huge revolution!
Around the same time, I discovered the Zen Habits blog, which used a Zen GTD and advocated for quiet time and small routines using mindfulness and how to implement new habits. I also started exercising and running every day. All that year, and 2010 – 2011 was a transition year when I left a company as an employee and started as a partner.
Do you know what happened to me the following year? Since I took all of that VERY seriously and thought that my greatest quality was knowing how to do the things I set out to do well, I freaked out when one day the power went out at the company and I had reports to deliver. Something wasn't right. The year was 2012, and I had to look for something to help me deal with it: I discovered CEBB and started meditating.
Lotus flower – Amidst the darkness and mud, it seeks the light until it reaches it so it can then bloom.
Delving deeper into spirituality and meditation gave me another way of seeing the world. I realized that all these methodologies made me anxious, because basically everything you see and that exists is a task that must be done and noted. Everything must be resolved. At least that's how I saw it. I TILT. Because deep down I know that things are not and should not be this way.
I felt very overwhelmed all the time because I thought I had to solve everything that my senses came into contact with and that I judged as wrong or that could be improved. And I went really deep into this, I was very obsessed with organizing, categorizing, naming, cleaning, solving. The bottom line is that I NEVER RESTED. I spent all my free time and everything I looked at was always with a critical eye. In other words, I went from one extreme to the other. The penny dropped. This wasn't doing me or anyone else around me any good. I practically solved a problem with another problem. It must be because I'm a Scorpio and I put a lot of intensity into it (laughs).
I decided to abandon practically everything related to organizational methodologies. This happened when I left my last job to have Alice. The year was 2016.
Post-maternity era
I quickly realized that things get a bit chaotic without any organization and that brought me a middle ground: I went back to just using the Bullet Journal and I've been doing it that way ever since.
Bullet Journal
From the moment I let go too much, I started having a lot of trouble organizing my leisure time, work and household chores while working from home. The scales always tip one way or the other: either the house is fine, the work is up to date or the baby isn't crying. And so, taking care of the house was a pain, it was an obligation. With psoriasis (or an equivalent, which I still need to diagnose), I started to suffer when doing things: like, for example, taking care of the clothes, because my hands are always resting and cracked, sore, the clothes get tangled or itchy if I touch stored clothes. This skin condition forces me to wear gloves for everything… to clean anything and this makes me procrastinate. When we procrastinate, the house reminds us of what we should have done. The next day basically consists of: Waking up with a pile of clothes waiting for you (my thorn in the side), dishes, cleaning to do, a list of work tasks that were supposed to be delivered yesterday and a child with a temper that I don't know who got it from who gets out of bed crying and only finishes complaining and crying a little before leaving for school, shopping that needs to be done, meal planning that needs to be done. Add all of this to another country and voilà, you'll feel a bit of the burden, lol.
Home Office with kids can be a bit nerve-racking
Today is THE day
(Today is the day)
I don't want to complain here. I want to show you something that happened to me and that changed this view a little. This post is being written in the future based on a text I wrote a week ago and what I'm going to say next is still working very well. Pretend you don't know I'm writing after this and read it as if it were the day of discovery:]
Where I want to get to is: TODAY!
Today I saw that Marie Kondo's series was released on Netflix and I wanted to watch it. I wasn't expecting MUCH, but right at the end of the first episode the most important thing of all dawned on me: THANK YOU.
Guys, it's written everywhere, gratitude is the basis of everything. Why had I never realized this?
As you do things, THANK for them. For that outfit I wore, for that dish I ate, for that coat that kept me warm. Be happy! Be happy with everything you have. How many people were involved so that I could be writing here and now and how much benefit does that bring me? What loving and joyful moments did that bring me?
I felt joy. I felt gratitude, truly. I felt a desire to involve whoever was around me in this and to teach Alice that we need to be grateful for everything that surrounds us. Now I want to wash each glass of wine, thanking her for the happy moment she brought.
TRY IT!
Try to revere your home as your protection, as your nest. Try to clean that little corner as a way of showing affection and consideration for something that was the result of the work of so many people and that you can now use. It's a habit. You may forget sometimes... that's okay! But when you're bored or you notice that tension because you don't want to do it, try to change your perspective. Pick up each piece of clothing and, while you fold it, bring back good memories related to it. Be thankful. Wash the dish, remember, be thankful. Sweep the crumbs off the floor, remember, be thankful. Clean the glass that's dirty with the grease from the snack your daughter ate, be thankful. Vacuum the rug full of cookie crumbs that she held while she danced in front of the TV, be thankful. Clean the glass in the shower stall full of water stains from those nice, warm baths you took, be thankful.
Thank you, Marie Kondo, for making me realize something I had already seen and read in so many books.
I still don't know how this new vision will influence my organization in general, but at least when I see a pile of clothes, instead of suffering or criticizing myself, I can limit myself to being grateful and doing my best 🙂 I think this will already make a BIG difference in my mood, my energy and in what I can bring to other people, whether they are related to work or those closest to me.
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